Relationships have been on my mind lately. Over a lifetime, we encounter many—some healthy, some unhealthy. The way we open ourselves to others, whether in friendship or romantic partnerships, is one of the most important decisions we make. And then there are the relationships we are born into—ones we never chose but that shape us nonetheless.
Our relationships define the most meaningful moments of our lives, transforming us in ways we may not even realize at the time. They form the foundation of our core selves, influencing our sense of self-worth, confidence, and ability to trust our own instincts. When early trauma, generational trauma, abuse, neglect, or mental illness disrupts this foundation, it can make it difficult to cultivate a healthy sense of self—let alone build wholehearted, fulfilling relationships with others.
The Voice I Ignored
When I was engaged to be married, there was a little voice inside my head whispering that something wasn’t right. I think about that young woman now—the one who didn’t trust her own instincts, who silenced her inner wisdom and instead told herself a story of excuses. I wanted to get married. I wanted love. And I feared that if I walked away, I might never meet someone else. That fear overpowered the quiet but wise part of me that was trying to warn me.
The moment I got married, everything changed. The doting and responsive partner I had fallen for turned cold. Criticism, control, and gaslighting became a daily reality. Our home became a battle zone—filled with verbal violence, psychological manipulation, and, at times, physical abuse. My relationships with friends and family were strained by his tactics, and over time, I started questioning my own reality.
I remember one moment with my best friend when she looked at me and said, You are not a depressed person. This is the stress of your marriage.
That truth cut deep. She saw what I couldn’t yet fully acknowledge: I was drowning in a toxic environment. I threw myself into my work, limiting the time I spent at home, and that seemed to help for a while. But then I wanted to be a mother.
Eleven years and two children later, the violence escalated, and I was silently suffering.
I will never forget sitting with a client who had a family member sentenced to 11 years in prison. They said to me, Can you imagine spending 11 years in prison? And my immediate thought was: Yes, I can.
I was in a prison—an 11-year sentence inside the walls of an abusive marriage, where every moment was an opportunity for my spirit to be diminished.
Within months of that realization, I left. And that was almost 14 years ago.
The Long Road to Recovery
Healing from long-term abuse is not a straight path. It’s a journey filled with deep psychological wounds, and the work to heal them is ongoing. Shame, grief, and self-doubt become familiar companions. Low self-esteem and maladaptive coping mechanisms linger long after the abuser is gone.
But here’s the truth I’ve come to embrace: Healing is possible.
It takes time, patience, and the willingness to examine the stories we tell ourselves—the ones that keep us trapped in cycles of pain. I have walked this path, and I know now that there is life beyond abuse.
Understanding Narcissistic Abuse: The Science Behind the Trauma
Narcissistic abuse is a specific form of psychological manipulation that leaves long-lasting emotional scars. Research has shown that survivors of narcissistic abuse often exhibit symptoms consistent with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) due to the chronic exposure to gaslighting, invalidation, and emotional neglect.
- Gaslighting (a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim question their own reality) erodes a person’s ability to trust themselves. According to research published in the Journal of Personality Disorders, gaslighting can lead to self-doubt, chronic anxiety, and cognitive dissonance, making it difficult for victims to leave.
- The intermittent reinforcement cycle (where abusers alternate between love-bombing and devaluation) creates a trauma bond, similar to an addiction. Studies in Behavioral Neuroscience highlight how dopamine and oxytocin spikes reinforce attachment to the abuser, even when the relationship is harmful.
- Long-term exposure to narcissistic abuse can shrink the hippocampus (responsible for memory and learning) and enlarge the amygdala (the fear response center), making survivors more prone to anxiety, depression, and hypervigilance (Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews).
For years after leaving, I struggled with self-worth, feeling as though I was still trapped in the mental prison of that relationship. I experienced flashbacks, intense self-doubt, and even guilt—despite knowing I had made the right choice. The effects of narcissistic abuse run deep, but the good news is that the brain is neuroplastic. With mindfulness, therapy, and self-compassion practices, we can rewire our thinking, regain trust in ourselves, and step into the life we were meant to live.
An Invitation to Heal
Whether you are healing from a parent’s abuse or a partner’s, you don’t have to do it alone. That’s why we are offering a five-week recovery program starting March 24th—a space to find support, reclaim your sense of self, and step into the healing you deserve.
This program will help you:
✔ Understand the psychological effects of narcissistic abuse
✔ Learn skills to break free from trauma bonds and reclaim your voice
✔ Develop self-compassion and rebuild trust in yourself
✔ Practice mindfulness and DBT techniques to regulate emotions and gain clarity
You are not broken. You are not beyond repair. You are worthy of a life filled with love, peace, and joy.
We hope to see you there. Register here.
